(this is a fairly opinionated post)
after introducing myself a lot lately — in conversations with new coworkers and classmates and project collaborators, in text boxes for online platforms like lunchclub and datamatch, and so on — i’ve noticed that i no longer know how to do intros in a way that facilitates understanding
maybe the phrase no longer is misleading, in that i haven’t gotten worse at introductions so much as i’ve realized how difficult they are. we’re told not to reduce people to labels, but they’re so convenient and ubiquitous that i’m finding it impossible not to, even when those labels are wildly inadequate, and even when the person being reduced is myself
for instance, i’ll let you know i’m a math major at mit, but not that i don’t feel like doing much math anymore. or i’ll say i’m living in brooklyn with friends, but not that my housemates are people i don’t even know very well. maybe i’ll tell you that i like watching anime and reading books and making music and running, but not that i haven’t been able to do much of any of them lately. if you ask me to elaborate, i’ll offer that i’m taking a semester away from school to do biotech work, or that brooklyn is a lot of fun, or that my favorite show is bojack; i’ll dance around the subject and flood your mind with tags easy to remember, knowing that each one is a white lie waiting to be uncovered
i’ll justify all this by telling myself it would take too long to reach anything remotely resembling a complete picture, and that the relevant stories are so convoluted and meaningless that it doesn’t make sense to trace them, but probably the more relevant truth is that i simply don’t know. i don’t know how to explain my relationship with math, or why i’m in brooklyn, or if hobbies i don’t spend time on are still hobbies, and so i don’t
we can try talking about thoughts instead of labels; i can give you a sort of zeitgeist of what it’s like to be me instead of what i am, though i’m not sure that’s any easier. i’ll say that i’m always restless but constantly exuberant, or that i’m lonely and dissatisfied with friendships but not looking for relationships, or that i’m more functional than i’ve ever been but still have the sense that i need some kind of help. maybe i’ll tell stories to try to explain what i mean, and maybe you’ll figure it out, but my experience has been that feelings are perhaps the hardest kind of knowledge to transfer
what does it mean to get to know a person? right now it feels like discovering all the uncertainty they’ve hidden in plain sight, and i wonder if this is universally true or if it’s just something i’m anomalously awful at. should i feel steady progress as it unfolds, or does it happen “the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once”? and on more turbulent days i grapple as usual with the question of induction- how can i be confident i’ll ever get to know someone well again in the future, if i don’t at all understand how i managed to do it in the past?
i don’t know if i’d call them cures, but we can certainly try remedies to these problems. probably my favorite one is where we just ask each other lots of questions: we’ll explore the tree of inquiries together, and every answer we encounter will spawn more questions as we meander into more complete understandings of each other. we’ll never finish because finishing is impossible, but sooner or later we’ll arrive at a natural stopping point; sooner if we don’t mesh very well, and later if we do
we don’t attempt processes like this very often because they’re exhausting and clash with most social norms, so instead we stick with ice breakers and hot seat and the like. we give each other introductions, and you choose between sacrificing truth or coherence or both, or maybe you’ve found some way to compromise neither, but i certainly haven’t yet
A Slice of My Mind 
how to do intros in a way that facilitates understanding » wow intros are just impossible just dont do them ever
not to reduce people to labels » in https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/on-identity/ i try to make this argument that “I’ll take all of these labels, even if they aren’t fully right.” there are just reasons to take labels you know.
living in brooklyn with friends » WOW HUANG
found some way to compromise neither » but what if the truth itself is incoherent? then there will always be compromise, right? isn’t it the case that everyone has an identity so complicated, and life so random that everyone’s story is so incoherent, that even our best attempts at pattern matching our lives into labels is still inadequate?
LikeLiked by 1 person
wow intros are just impossible just dont do them ever » indeed next time i will just say “ask me questions pls”
there are just reasons to take labels you know. » yep. i think the risk is putting too much certainty in your labels or something? like i can assign myself the label “socially awkward” in a way which reinforces me being awkward in the future
WOW HUANG » i literally admitted to not knowing why i’m here what more do you want ):<
then there will always be compromise » hmm yeah, i think i agree with this in practice. its more like, i didn't want to write "you always have to compromise between x and y" because in general i don't want to assert things are impossible just because i can't do them? maybe this is a symptom of Bad Writing that i need to eliminate though
LikeLike
ask me questions pls » does this work though?? idk
what more do you want » to not b e in mit?? maybe?? to be cool??? https://cjquines.com/blog/2020/12/30/why-can-t-i-be-cool/
LikeLike
These themes are so relatable; I’ve been thinking about many of these questions too, but I guess there’s no absolute solution (though the “cures” you mention are pretty good)…
Paradoxically, you somehow *did* introduce yourself really well in this post though 😮
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks! and yes i also noticed this post is basically an intro 😛
LikeLike
I feel like intros are mainly just tools to avoid having an awkward silence or to fill some de facto societal pre-req. Like most of us probably have some standard way memorized to introduce ourselves just so people have some idea of who we are than just a name. They’re kind of a way to get superficial trust or even respect from someone: if you’re trying to impress someone, you may say “I can solve a rubiks cube upside down”. If someone says they’re from x place and you so happen to be from near there, you may say “Wow, I’m from x too!” just to continue a conversation.
Agonizing over the perfect intro is stuff left for LinkedIn and essays. Most people can’t adequately sum up their identity in a single sentence, let alone a book. The only way to introduce yourself better to someone is if you know something about their background, which doesn’t really make sense in most scenarios (save like an interview) as intros are for people you haven’t met before.
Intros are just appetizer courses for the main course. They’re meant as a way in, a way to test the waters with someone. Like body language, intros can tell a lot about someone, but they don’t tell the whole picture.
I think just asking questions like you mentioned builds a way better picture of someone than just having an introduction. It feels more natural, but having an intro is kind of ingrained in us as a sort of TL;DR for people to gauge you. So I wouldn’t sweat over having a good intro.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yep, agreed! my main issue is that most of the times i’ve intro’d myself recently, the other person has been bored afterwards, and i’m trying to fix that
LikeLike